Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
