Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
