in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
