Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
