Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
