Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
