I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
