Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
