just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
