Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize