I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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