My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
