I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
