Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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