I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Found the puke drawer
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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