then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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