my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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