And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
