apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
