I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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