I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
