somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
