Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
