Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
