oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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