If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can't motorboat a personality
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
