Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
