Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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