i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
