you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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