Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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