he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
