but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
