I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
