1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
