It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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