o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
