Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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