if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
