I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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