she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
