Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
