...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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