I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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