I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
