I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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