i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
