I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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