I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
