Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
