I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i think i just lost a toe
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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