is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
