Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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