I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
