I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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