I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
