i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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