is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You have to summon your inner elephant
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
