She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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