Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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