my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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