She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
