South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i think i just lost a toe
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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