Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
