I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
