dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
