Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
