I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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