Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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