I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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