i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
