You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
