Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
