Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
