he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
