ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
