Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize