Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
