I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
