I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
