im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
