its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
