R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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