Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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