He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
